Want some jesus with that?

October 22, 2007

Jeebus and pizza, oh, what a combo!

The Sun-Sentinel printed a short review of Phil’s Calzone Factory.  As a calzone devotee, and tiring of my usual calzone from Vito’s, I decided to give Phil’s a try.  Upon arriving at the shop, a typical strip mall joint, I headed right for the counter, picked up a menu and ordered a calzone.  With my order placed and bill paid, I turned around to find a place to sit.  The first thing I saw was a small table piled with xtian propaganda pamphlets.  Yuck!  I told myself that a prior customer must have dumped the pamphlets there.  After turning back around to the counter, I noticed all kinds of xtian signs, stickers, and crosses.  And then I noticed that the xtian paraphenalia is posted all over the store.  There were so many items extolling the benefits of bowing to jeebus, that I can’t believe that I didn’t notice any of it upon entering the shop.  The more I looked around, the more propaganda I saw.  I was so disgusted.  I wish I would have noticed the jeebus crap before shelling out $25 to the jeebus freaks who must own Phil’s Calzone Factory.

I don’t need to have religion shoved down my throat while patronizing a pizza shop! 

While still reeling from the sight of the xtian decor, I noticed a back room; I thought I could seek refuge there.  Not so!  The back room is even more horrifying.  This room features a long banquet-style table piled end to end with all manner of xtian pamphlets, books, newspapers, and cards.  Above the table is a huge banner printed with “Jesus Is Your Savior” on it (in red, of all colors.)  My feet couldn’t get me out of that room fast enough!

What are these people thinking?  My guess is that they are insecure about their religion.  They posted all of the crap around the store because they need a constant reminder that they’ve chosen not to believe in reality.  This calzone joint should be called Phil’s Xtian Factory, Indoctrination Center, and Propaganda Hut.  Potential patrons need to know what to expect when contemplating doing business with Phil’s.  I wish there had been a huge cross on the door to warn me about what was inside the shop.  Nonetheless, I can’t blame the Phil’s people for my calzone induced tunnel vision.

Despite the owner’s devotion to jeebus, the calzone wasn’t extraordinary.  If the calzone had been incredibly scrumptious, I cannot imagine the dilemma I would have faced.  Would I give more money to jeebus freaks to enjoy something superb?  Since the calzone wasn’t something that I have to have again, I can say that I will never return to Phil’s.


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